Forgive Yourself: Let it go. Fall down. Meet the real you.
It’s hard enough to forgive others when they’ve hurt you but it’s even harder to forgive yourself. Forgiving yourself means admitting you’re not perfect, that you’re not 100% innocent and that you have some things to learn. These are tough concepts to wrestle with even on a good day never mind when you’ve actually done something wrong. And let’s face it, sometimes you just think you’ve done something wrong because sometimes we haven’t even done anything wrong but it still feels that way because we’re so tough on ourselves.
Similar to forgiving someone else, forgiving yourself doesn’t make what you did right, acceptable or ok. Forgiving yourself just means owning it. It means letting it go and accepting that it doesn’t need to define who you are or who you want to be. It means you have to look in the mirror and be honest with yourself (which your ego really really hates to do.)
It means falling down.
Here’s the thing about falling down though. When you fall down, you actually meet the foundation of who you really are. The ground, the bedrock, the bottom – that’s where your feet should be planted and forgiving yourself actually helps you to get back to this place. It helps you to meet the real you.
So how do you forgive yourself? You cry. You feel bad. You sit with it. You accept that you can’t change it. You accept that it’s in the past.
You let it go.
You meet the real you.
The 9th Secret 2 Living Happy: Practice Forgiveness (& the One BIG Reason U Need 2 Forgive & Forget)
Everyone says forgiveness is a lovely idea until they have something to forgive. – C.S. Lewis
What a great quote right? In theory, forgiveness sounds like it should be pretty easy to do and the reasons why we should do it are also pretty obvious. But, if you’ve ever been really hurt (and I know as teenagers you get hurt a lot), you know just how hard it is to let go of that hurt and actually forgive the person who hurt you.
Let’s look at what it means to forgive.
Forgiving means letting go of hurt, anger, resentment and thoughts of revenge. It does NOT mean that you’re condoning or pardoning someone for what they did. It simply means that you’re not going to let that act continue to hurt you over and over and over again. If nothing else, think about the power you’re giving the person who hurt you! You’re thinking about them every day. They’re always on your mind. They pop into your head when things are going well and make you feel crappy. Forgiving them actually takes away some of their power over you and that alone is a good enough reason to forgive them.
This leads me to the one big reason you need to practice forgiveness: Forgiveness gives you a fresh start and cuts the ties to the past.
Not forgiving keeps you chained to the past and, as we all know, the past is over and the place to be is the present moment! When you actively go back to the past and re-live and re-experience painful moments over and over again YOU are the one choosing to go there. You are the one actively choosing to go back into the past and peel off the scab. Believe me, you are not gaining anything by peeling off that nasty scab. All you’re doing is opening up the wound again and again which slows your healing and, duh, it hurts! By practicing forgiveness, you allow yourself to start fresh and live in the present moment. You tear down the wall in your heart and open yourself up to a new and happy present and future.
As usual, Oprah says it best:
“Forgiveness is letting go of the hope that the past can be changed.”
So who have you not forgiven? What hurts are you hanging on to? How would it feel to let that pain go? Who can you forgive today?
Practice forgiveness and you may just realize that the person being punished was you.
The Secret Handbook 4 Teens 