Why being grateful is like taking a happy pill.
I would maintain that thanks are the highest form of thought; and that gratitude is happiness doubled by wonder. ~G.K. Chesterton
Doesn’t it seem like some days there is just nothing to be grateful for? You had a fight with your friend. Your parents don’t understand you. In fact, no one understands you. You had a bad hair day. You’re bored. Niall isn’t following you on Twitter.
It’s easy to find all the reasons why we shouldn’t be happy but taking the time to think about a few things you’re grateful for, no matter how small, is like taking a happy pill. It’s an instant mood booster but don’t take my word for it.
Let me explain how being grateful makes you happy.
1. Being grateful makes you recognize all the things you take for granted. I try to be thankful for having a job, a roof over my head, running water, food in my fridge and those kind of things. So so many people in the world don’t have those things and we often don’t recognize how lucky we are to have them. Being grateful for them instantly makes you realize that life could be worse and that you actually have it pretty good.
2. Being grateful for negatives can turn them into positives. Maybe you’re unhappy that you don’t have the newest smart phone and you really want it. Be grateful you have a phone at all. Maybe you’re upset that you’re fighting with a friend. Be thankful that you have a friend. Try flipping your viewpoint of a negative by being grateful for it. All of a sudden, you feel better and realize that perhaps things are not as bad as they seem.
3. Being grateful puts life into perspective. We get so wrapped up in our own lives that we often lose perspective about what matters in life and how good we probably have it. Think about the citizens in Gaza and Israel and how they spend every waking moment worried that a bomb could drop. Think about people in Africa who are dying from Ebola. Think about people who are homeless, hungry, thirsty. Now take a look at your own life. Are your problems that bad? Be grateful that your problems are likely small compared to the things others are going through. This is not to poo poo the challenges you are facing but let’s be honest, things could probably be worse.
So stop for a minute today and be thankful for three things.
– Be thankful for one everyday thing you take for granted.
– Be thankful for a challenge or negative in your life.
– Be thankful that your problems are small ones.
Be grateful. Be happy.
The 9th Secret 2 Living Happy: Practice Forgiveness (& the One BIG Reason U Need 2 Forgive & Forget)
Everyone says forgiveness is a lovely idea until they have something to forgive. – C.S. Lewis
What a great quote right? In theory, forgiveness sounds like it should be pretty easy to do and the reasons why we should do it are also pretty obvious. But, if you’ve ever been really hurt (and I know as teenagers you get hurt a lot), you know just how hard it is to let go of that hurt and actually forgive the person who hurt you.
Let’s look at what it means to forgive.
Forgiving means letting go of hurt, anger, resentment and thoughts of revenge. It does NOT mean that you’re condoning or pardoning someone for what they did. It simply means that you’re not going to let that act continue to hurt you over and over and over again. If nothing else, think about the power you’re giving the person who hurt you! You’re thinking about them every day. They’re always on your mind. They pop into your head when things are going well and make you feel crappy. Forgiving them actually takes away some of their power over you and that alone is a good enough reason to forgive them.
This leads me to the one big reason you need to practice forgiveness: Forgiveness gives you a fresh start and cuts the ties to the past.
Not forgiving keeps you chained to the past and, as we all know, the past is over and the place to be is the present moment! When you actively go back to the past and re-live and re-experience painful moments over and over again YOU are the one choosing to go there. You are the one actively choosing to go back into the past and peel off the scab. Believe me, you are not gaining anything by peeling off that nasty scab. All you’re doing is opening up the wound again and again which slows your healing and, duh, it hurts! By practicing forgiveness, you allow yourself to start fresh and live in the present moment. You tear down the wall in your heart and open yourself up to a new and happy present and future.
As usual, Oprah says it best:
“Forgiveness is letting go of the hope that the past can be changed.”
So who have you not forgiven? What hurts are you hanging on to? How would it feel to let that pain go? Who can you forgive today?
Practice forgiveness and you may just realize that the person being punished was you.
It’s My Birthday & I Can B P*ssed if I Want To (or: Why Being Your Best Self is Really Hard)
The other day I revealed the 6th Secret which is to Never Take Anything Personally Because It’s Never About You. I truly do believe that life becomes easier to live if you can truly apply this secret successfully every day. The times when I have applied it to situations in my own life have been incredibly freeing. That said, it is very very hard to do (b/c our egos get the best of us) so I thought I’d share an example of how I failed miserably at applying it to my life yesterday (even carrying over to today.)
Yesterday was my birthday. I got amazing gifts from my husband and teen, lots of cards with heartfelt messages and tons of Facebook posts from friends both old and new. I spent the day feeling incredibly blessed until I got into bed last night and started tallying up all the people who DID NOT contact me to say happy birthday. This list includes a few of my oldest and supposedly closest friends AND one of my nephews and two of my nieces. As I lay there all the happy feelings about the day were quickly replaced by feelings of hurt, sadness, self-pity and, I’m not going to lie, thoughts of retribution detailing how I would NOT be contacting them on their birthdays. (Just because you’re older doesn’t mean you won’t still act and think like a child.)
The 5th Secret for Teens: It’s a 4 Letter Word But it’s Not #%&@
Oh #%&@
Ok, the 5th Secret is actually not that kind of four-letter word but let’s face it, we all have moments when pulling out that four lettered word seems like the only appropriate response to the situation (Just don’t tell your parents you curse…we like to think that you never do and never will and will also never admit that you learned it from us.) Anyway, I’m here to suggest that there is another type of response to those situations that also involves a four-letter word and that word is LOVE.
In fact the 5th Secret is very simple – Life is All About Love.
Sound too simple? It probably also sounds very hippie-let’s-all-sit-around-in-a-circle-and-play-guitar-and-hold-hands-while-we-wish-for-world-peace too. At least it does to me. But that’s not the kind of love I’m talking about. I’m also definitely not talking about romantic love which is wonderful and important but I don’t expect you to romantically love everyone (plus it would be weird and I’m not sure exactly how you’d handle all those relationships and heartbreaks but I digress…)
The 2nd Secret for Teens & a Super Ego Squishing Tool
Remember Secret #1? You are not the little voice in your head.
Well, here’s #2.
Secret #2: You do not have to listen to the little voice in your head & there are Super Ego Squishing tools to help you do this.
Here’s Super Ego Squishing Tool #1: Practice Awareness.
The first step in squishing your ego and silencing that little voice in your head (well, at least making it quieter) is just to become aware that it’s talking. If you are just sort of aware of it but you don’t really give it the attention it wants, it starts to quiet down.
Don’t get me wrong, this is not easy. In fact, that little voice will probably initially be thrilled that you’re paying attention to it and may even seem to talk more but when you start to really bring your awareness to it, it starts to become a little more quiet.
You’ll be amazed at how vocal that little voice is and how much you were actually listening to it when you start to focus your awareness on it.
The 1st Secret of Life for Teens (shhh, don’t tell adults you know!)
Ok, let’s cut right to the chase.
Here is the 1st Secret from the Handbook that adults haven’t bothered to tell you.
There really are two parts to this secret but we’ll start with the first half today.
1. You are not the little voice in your head.
Oh come on, you’ve heard this little voice before right?
Let’s do an exercise right now so you can formally reintroduce yourself.
The Secret Handbook 4 Teens 