The Secret Handbook 4 Teens

So I Should Hate Myself? Is That What You’re Saying?

squirrel mirror

With all the talk on this blog, and in general, about how horrible the ego is and how your little voice never has anything good to say, you might be getting a little confused. You might be thinking that you should hate that part of yourself. So, I want to be clear about something, you don’t need to hate your ego* or think that it makes you a horrible person, it’s actually an important part of you. What’s key, however, is realizing that it sometimes speaks so loudly,  it can become the voice we listen to the most and it has been known for giving bad advice.

Let’s look at examples of the ego at work in both a good and bad way:

Good way: That moment when, without even thinking about it,  your hand shoots up in class to answer a question because inside you know “I got this. I totally know this.” That’s an example of your ego giving you the push and confidence you need.

Bad way: That moment when your friend doesn’t text you back and you think “She/he must be mad at me. What did I do? Did I do something wrong? I’d better text her/him 16 more times to see if they reply.” That’s an example of your ego undermining your confidence and self-worth by planting doubt and insecurity in your mind. Imagine if you listened to that ego all the time! Lots of people do and let me tell you something, those are the people you usually instinctively dislike whether you realize it or not.

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5 Everyday Moments 2 Practice Awareness

brush your teeth

Practice Present Moment Awareness.

Be in the Now.

Practice Mindfulness.

I don’t know about you, but when I hear most of these phrases I picture a monk sitting in nature with no distractions entering a state of perfect bliss. Um, yeah, right.

That sounds lovely but it’s certainly not possible for most of us. In fact, most of us are barely just getting through the day nevermind finding time to sit in silence.

All is not lost though. Escaping into just a minute or two of awareness is still a good thing and easier to do than you might think.

Here are five everyday moments where you can practice awareness. You can certainly choose your own five but sometimes it helps to have someone point out the obvious and I am the master of pointing out the obvious.

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Awareness/Mindfulness/The Now…Call It What You Will, Just Do It.


So far I’ve talked about becoming aware of your little voice and practicing awareness and the importance of practicing present moment awareness or staying in the Now. Because I want you to have  and know how to use all the tools in your toolbox, I should also talk about mindfulness. Honestly, I don’t really care what you call it nor should you. If you’re getting hung up on terminology you need to let go a little.

Mindfulness is just another term you can use to think about being in the moment or present or aware or being in the Now.

One definition of mindfulness is:

A mental state achieved by focusing one’s awareness on the present moment, while calmly acknowledging and accepting one’s feelings, thoughts, and bodily sensations, used as a therapeutic technique.

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Super Ego Squishing Tool #2: Practice Present Moment Awareness

squish orange

Ok, it’s time for another Super Ego Squishing Tool but let’s recap what we’ve discussed so far.

So far we’ve learned two Secrets:

1. You are not the little voice in your head.

2. You do not have to listen to the little voice in  your head & there are Super Ego Squishing tools to help you do this.

And the 1st Ego Squishing Tool: Practice Awareness and how you can practice awareness during moments of high emotion and when you’re in doubt.

Hopefully at this point you’re starting to realize that by becoming aware of your ego/the little voice in your head, you can start to dampen it’s control over your life so your soul and spirit and True Self can start to shine and soar.

That said, let’s add another Ego Squishing Tool to your arsenal beyond just plain old awareness. You’re a smart cookie so I’m sure you’re ready to move on a bit right?

Here’s Super Eqo Squishing Tool #2: Practice Present Moment Awareness 

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When in Doubt – Practice Awareness So Your Soul Can Speak

girls arms up

We’ve talked about using moments of anger or sadness (or any other extreme emotion) as good opportunities to practice awareness but moments of doubt and insecurity are also prime times to look inward.

Anytime you’re about to do something that you feel doubtful about, take a look inside yourself and listen to your little voice. It’s very likely that your little voice/ego  has jumped in and is providing it’s opinion of the situation.

Remember, when practicing awareness you’re not actually engaging your little voice, you’re just taking a peek at it & are becoming aware that it’s talking.

For example, let’s say you want to talk to the boy/girl you have a crush on because they’re standing in front of you in the lunch line but you’re nervous about it because you’re not sure how they’ll respond.

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When You’re Really Mad or Sad, Practice Awareness

angry toddler

It’s easy to say “Practice Awareness” but it’s actually not that easy to do. Our minds our usually whirring along as fast a hummingbird’s heartbeat (which, if you didn’t know, is really really fast) so it’s pretty easy to ignore all the random thoughts and usually useless information going by.

One way to learn to practice awareness is when you’re really emotional about something. If you’re really angry or really sad take a moment to listen to what your little voice is saying. Chances are once you start to focus on it, it’s going to quiet down a little bit. It’s almost like it gets embarrassed that it’s been caught talking in class or something.

Only you will know what it’s saying in this moment of high emotion but I can almost guarantee that it’s only adding to the drama.

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If you want to reach a state of bliss, then go beyond ego and the internal dialogue. Make a decision to relinquish the need to control, the need to be approved, and the need to judge. Those are the three things the ego is doing all the time. It’s very important to be aware of them every time they come up.

– Deepak Chopra



The 2nd Secret for Teens & a Super Ego Squishing Tool

nose ring shhh

Remember Secret #1?  You are not the little voice in your head.

Well, here’s #2.

Secret #2: You do not have to listen to the little voice in  your head & there are Super Ego Squishing tools to help you do this.

Here’s Super Ego Squishing Tool #1:  Practice Awareness.

The first step in squishing your ego and silencing that little voice in your head (well, at least making it quieter) is just to become aware that it’s talking. If you are just sort of aware of it but you don’t really give it the attention it wants, it starts to quiet down.

Don’t get me wrong, this is not easy. In fact, that little voice will probably initially be thrilled that you’re paying attention to it and may even seem to talk more but when you start to really bring your awareness to it, it starts to become a little more quiet.

You’ll be amazed at how vocal that little voice is and how much you were actually listening  to it when you start to focus your awareness on it.

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The 1st Secret of Life for Teens (shhh, don’t tell adults you know!)

secret door

Ok, let’s cut right to the chase.

Here is the 1st Secret from the Handbook that adults haven’t bothered to tell you.

There really are two parts to this secret but we’ll start with the first half today.

1. You are not the little voice in your head.

Oh come on, you’ve heard this little voice before right?

Let’s do an exercise right now so you can formally reintroduce yourself.

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