Trying 2 Practice What I Preach (The Good, Bad & Ugly)
Hi guys!
Sorry I’ve been absent from the blogging world for awhile but my parents are 82 and 88 years old and last week they were BOTH admitted to the hospital with pneumonia. I don’t live in the same state as them so I quickly packed up my bags and headed home where I immediately entered a very stressful, emotional and exhausting situation. I’m happy to report that they are both now home and slowly recovering but what I really wanted to share was my real world examples how hard it can be to put all these secrets and tools into action when you really need them.
To deal with an emotional crisis, where a crisis really can be anything that’s getting you very upset, my advice has been to sit with the emotions, to feel the emotions, to meditate and to try to stay in the present moment or the Now. In particular, staying in the present moment or the “Now” has always stood out to me as one of the most important tools. Basically it’s not worrying about the past or the future and not letting yourself imagine some worst-case scenarios that your mind starts to believe. It’s just staying where you are and dealing with what you know.
I’m here to tell you that it was really really really hard to practice what I preach but I’m also here to tell you why that’s ok.
Staying in the Now when your parents are both sick is really tough. Your mind starts to imagine the worst. You worry about what tomorrow will bring. You worry about what you will do if one of them should die. You wonder if they will get sicker. You even start planning funerals in your head. I know you don’t need more examples of the crazy and upsetting stuff I was thinking (and I know you have your own upsetting stuff to deal with) but suffice it to say, my mind was a whirling mess of worst-case painful scenarios. Even while I was doing this though, deep down I knew I had the tools I needed and I knew what I needed to do to stop. That’s where the work comes in and where the rubber meets the road as they say.
Let’s face it. It’s easy to say “Stay in the Now!” when nothing is wrong. It’s easy to say “You need to meditate.” when you can’t even take a deep breath. It’s easy to say “Don’t listen to your little voice.” when your little voice is screaming, crying and taking up all the space in your head. The good thing is that just trying to remember and use these tools and secrets immediately helps you feel just a little better. Trying to use them also makes them easier to find and use the next time.
Knowing that I needed to stop and breathe forced me to do it. Knowing that I needed to stop imagining the worst made me slow down and at least try to stay in the present moment. Knowing that I needed to meditate made me at least close my eyes for a moment to try to take a short mental break.
Was I successful at this all the time? Ha! That’s funny! Absolutely not. But, it helped a little bit and I know next time it will help a little more. The same goes for you. These tools can start to help you even if you just know that they’re out there and you remind yourself to at least try to use them.
So breathe, meditate, silence your little voice and try stay in the present moment.
It won’t be easy, but it will be worth it.
Thank U All So Much! Over 4,000 Twitter Followers & Readers in 30 Countries!
This note is to simply thank all of you for your support and for reading my Tweets and blog posts. (See, I’m also practicing Secret #8!) I now have readers from literally all over the world (over 30 countries) and today reached 4,000 Twitter followers. I truly and sincerely hope what I am posting is helpful and I continue to seek your advice, thoughts, comments and feedback. This site was created for and continues to be all about YOU so please publish with me, send me your feedback, Tweet me your problems and I promise I will be there for you.
My goal is to help teens live happy by sharing all of the “secrets”, tips, tools and advice that you usually don’t encounter until you’re older (and usually after many painful experiences.) I’m sharing this info with you now so you can start to think about it and put it into use today and throughout your life.
I have Secrets #9 and #10 coming soon (and #10 literally is the one that’s going to change your life) and so much more to cover with you on this journey. I’m also thinking up some additional creative ideas for how to share this info with you in a more useful and practical way so keep reading along with me!
Stay tuned for even more stuff to help you live happy!
And again, THANK YOU!
Secret #6 to Living a Happy Life (If U Read Nothing Else, This is the One to Understand)
Ok, it wasn’t my plan to reveal this secret now because I’m a methodical person who likes to work through things in a certain way and, in my mind, this secret actually comes a bit later but I just can’t hold this one back. I think this might just be one of the biggest secrets to living a happy life that you really really need to understand and start applying to your lives now – especially as a teen. Honestly, it’s a game changer & will totally change the way you interact with people.
Secret #6: Never Take Anything Personally Because It’s Never About You
Awareness/Mindfulness/The Now…Call It What You Will, Just Do It.
So far I’ve talked about becoming aware of your little voice and practicing awareness and the importance of practicing present moment awareness or staying in the Now. Because I want you to have and know how to use all the tools in your toolbox, I should also talk about mindfulness. Honestly, I don’t really care what you call it nor should you. If you’re getting hung up on terminology you need to let go a little.
Mindfulness is just another term you can use to think about being in the moment or present or aware or being in the Now.
One definition of mindfulness is:
A mental state achieved by focusing one’s awareness on the present moment, while calmly acknowledging and accepting one’s feelings, thoughts, and bodily sensations, used as a therapeutic technique.
The 3rd Secret:To Get Over Sadness You Must Feel Sad. What the %&#?
I’m sitting on my deck reading Panache Desai’s new book “Discovering Your Soul’s Signature (which you should definitely check out because it’s chock full of examples for young people. It’s really not another secret adults are keeping from you though I doubt anyone will recommend it to you so it will seem like a secret but I digress…) Anyway, where was I? Oh yes, the book.
So, I’m reading the book and it’s day two of the book’s 33 day journey which covers the topic of sadness and how we try to cover up and not feel sadness because that would be too, well, sad. But I read this line and the seeming obvious silliness of it struck me:
“Live in the truth that vulnerability is power. Live in the truth that your sadness makes you human.”
What the &*%? It seems silly right? It actually almost seems ridiculous! How can being vulnerable (or weak) make you powerful? How does being sad make you human?
When You’re Really Mad or Sad, Practice Awareness
It’s easy to say “Practice Awareness” but it’s actually not that easy to do. Our minds our usually whirring along as fast a hummingbird’s heartbeat (which, if you didn’t know, is really really fast) so it’s pretty easy to ignore all the random thoughts and usually useless information going by.
One way to learn to practice awareness is when you’re really emotional about something. If you’re really angry or really sad take a moment to listen to what your little voice is saying. Chances are once you start to focus on it, it’s going to quiet down a little bit. It’s almost like it gets embarrassed that it’s been caught talking in class or something.
Only you will know what it’s saying in this moment of high emotion but I can almost guarantee that it’s only adding to the drama.
If you want to reach a state of bliss, then go beyond ego and the internal dialogue. Make a decision to relinquish the need to control, the need to be approved, and the need to judge. Those are the three things the ego is doing all the time. It’s very important to be aware of them every time they come up.
– Deepak Chopra
Top 10 Teen Examples When U Know Your Ego is at Work
So, in my last post I revealed the 1st Secret for Teens which is:
Secret #1: You are not the little voice in your head.
That little voice/your ego is so chattery and yabbery it can sometimes be hard to know when you’re barely hearing it versus when you’re listening and reacting to it.
Here are some examples of when your ego/little voice is at work and when you’re all ears:
1. You text your friend and she doesn’t immediately text you back.
Your little voice says: “She didn’t text you back. She’s probably mad at you. What did you do? I bet she’s actually talking about you to someone else right now.”
You: Spend the rest of the night worrying about it and check your phone every 5 seconds.
Your First Peek Into the Secret Handbook
So, are you ready for your first secret? I know I’m certainly ready to share it but before I do, I’d like to share a little bit about my strategy in presenting these secrets. There is actually a method to my madness (which, in and of itself, is rather frightening).
What I want you to understand is that there are lots of important things for you to know now but you can’t just dive right in. That would be like only reading the middle of a book (and hey, if that’s your thing that’s cool but you’re going to miss out on a lot.) So, I could just dive in a share a lot of inspirational quotes (to make you feel all warm and fuzzy) and jump all over the place but honestly, that wouldn’t be fair to you.
The Secret Handbook 4 Teens 