Why Finding Dory Might Leave U Stressed Out (& Two Tips 2 Calm Down)
So I think I’ve written about my Spire device here before but just to recap, Spire is this gorgeous and amazing little device that you clip onto your clothing that monitors your breathing throughout the day. It has it’s own app and that app is what tells you whether you’re tense, calm or focused and believe me, practically everyone in my family has one and we’re all amazed by the data and what we’re learning about ourselves. I have actually found that in using Spire consistently, I’ve been able to increase my moments of calm and decrease my tense moments over time which, for someone like me who previously suffered a panic attack, is pretty darn amazing. All the meditation and yoga I’ve been doing likely hasen’t hurt but being more aware of my breathing and how I’m acting (or reacting) has truly been the biggest factor to my increased zen state.
And so, we went to see Finding Dory. My husband, step-daughter and I all have Spires and we all wore them when we went to the movie. I don’t know about you, but I always think of the movies as a place to go and relax and to escape from reality as you lose yourself in the onscreen fiction. Well, you would think that an animated film about a fish and her friends would be the perfect way to wind down over the weekend right? Not so! Our Spires were buzzing throughout the whole movie and all of us thought “Oh, we must be really focused.” or “Oh, we must really be calm and relaxed.” But nope. We were tense people! We got out of the theater and looked at our apps and saw prolonged moments where our breathing was tense! Why? Well, I personally thought Finding Dory was a good movie but I guess we were a little more invested in whether or not Dory would find her parents than we thought! It’s all good but being tense actually isn’t good for your health so what can you do when you find yourself getting tense?
Here’s my top two tips for calming down:
- Take long deep breaths. You don’t need a lot of them but slowly breathing in (for let’s say a count of five or six) and slowly breathing out almost immediately starts to calm your body and brain down. Should you have to practice such breathing during a children’s movie? I’ll let you make that judgment on your own but in any situation, deep breathing is an easy and quick way to find your center.
- Become aware. Become aware of where you are, how you’re feeling and what’s going on in and around you. Feel the chair under your butt and your feet on the ground. Become aware of the popcorn smells around you and the colors on the screen. So often we go through life almost oblivious to the world and our place in it but practicing this present moment awareness is another simple but extremely powerful tool to get you out of your head and out of your thoughts.
That’s it. It’s that simple. Deep breathing and awareness and you’re on the road to more moments of calm and a less stressful existence. I will end this story by letting you know that my husband and I also went to see the movie The Shallows where Blake Lively gets attacked by a great white shark and we were both less tense in this movie than Finding Dory. I’ll let you come up with your own opinion of that!
Afraid of Change? Here R Five Ways 4 Teens 2 Deal With It
The measure of intelligence is the ability to change. -Einstein
If you don’t do well with change you likely aren’t going to do well with being a teenager. It sounds harsh I know but change is pretty much the only thing we can be certain of in life and your teen years are chock full of it. Everything changes when you are a teen. Your body changes, your mind changes (sometimes several times a minute it seems), your friends change, your interests change, your viewpoints change and it definitely seems like your parents change their minds all the time (though at some times they likely won’t budge and you wish they would change their minds!).
Here’s what I want you to remember though when you are struggling with some kind of change in your life.
Change is good. I promise, it really is.
Here’s a few tips to help you deal with changes when they pop up.
1. Take a deep breath, step back and really look at what’s happening. It might not be as bad as you think.
2. Try to look at change as an opportunity rather than a challenge. How you view change impacts how you deal with it.
3. Say yes instead of no. Fighting change might not work but being open to a new path can be invigorating & exciting.
4. Stay in the present moment. Change feels scary so we immediately start trying to predict what the future is going to look like. Why? The only future you can imagine is based on your past experiences and that might not be the best predictor of the future.
5. Realize, like Einstein did (and he was a really smart guy) that how you deal with change is a reflection of your intelligence. Smart people deal with change well so why not be smart about it? Sticking your head in the sand isn’t going to work so suck it up and face change with confidence, calm and peace. You got this.
Now you tell me. How do you deal with change? What are some big changes you’ve gone through during your teen years that seemed monumental and life changing? How did you deal with it? How can I help you live happy (yes, even when change is in the air!)
Looking Back on the School Year: What Would U Do Differently?
“Do not dwell in the past, do not dream of the future, concentrate the mind on the present moment.”
Buddha
Ok so maybe my quote doesn’t quite jive with the title of this post but bear with me. For the most part, I agree that we should try to not relive the past and shouldn’t spend all our time worrying about the future. All that being said, I do think it’s important to look back on your school year and take inventory of what you did well and what you did…well, not so well. Life is a learning experience and it is through these experiences, good and bad, that we figure out who we are and who we want to be moving forward. So, look back on your school year and think about it for a minute. What happened that you didn’t like? What would you change? Would you study harder? Would you try to not obsess about your grades so much? Would you try to have more fun? Would you spend more time with friends or family? Would you try out for a sport or join a club? Would you learn to ignore the nasty comments/posts/looks from people who aren’t your friends and don’t even pretend to try? Would you try to make a new friend? Would you not have chosen a friend?
Once you’ve looked back, here’s what I want you to do. I want you to take a deep breath, be ok with the decisions you did make and vow to spend your next school year being more authentically YOU. Whether you would do things differently or whether you would do everything exactly the same, as long as you are trying to be you, you won’t fail.
But now you tell me – what would you do differently? What would you not change? What advice would you give to someone just starting high school? What would you do to more authentically you?
The 7th Secret: Sit Down, Shut Up & Be Silent
If there is one thing that really smart people throughout the years have figured out, it’s that a key to happiness is quieting our minds and basically giving ourselves a break. We are surrounded by constant noise and stimulation in our lives and our poor little brains are just about on overload all the time. Wouldn’t it be nice to just shut down and take a break from the world now and then? I know turning off your smart phone may actually sound stressful but yes, I’m suggesting that you even take a break from that.
I’m obviously not the first nor will I be the last to talk about the importance of meditation. What’s nice is that while people have been practicing meditation since, well forever, we now have the power of science supporting meditation too. It turns out that, over the years, really smart people have documented the all the health and emotional benefits of meditation. I say all this just so you don’t think you have to take my word for it (even though I am a scientist which must count for something right!?)
I encourage you to google the positive effects of meditation but I’m here to tell you that ultimately, meditation will make you happy and that’s why meditation is the 7th Secret to a happy life.
Secret #7: Meditate.
The human ego prefers anything, just about anything, to falling, or changing, or dying. The ego is that part of you that loves the status quo – even when it’s not working. It attaches to past and present and fears the future.
– Richard Rohr
I love this quote because it reminds us that the ego is the little part of you that doesn’t want to change.
Listen to the chatter of your little voice as an example of this. Your little voice/ego is always looking backwards and reliving the past or imagining the future. It imagines both good and bad outcomes for the future but even those imagined outcomes are based on your own past experiences. I mean, let’s be honest here. Unless you can actually see into the future, you have no idea what the future holds and yet our egos like to spend time there.
For some reason, the ego just cannot stand being in the present moment. It feels vulnerable. Unsafe. Unsure. It becomes threatened by who you really are…by your True Self.
So, once again, we come back to awareness and present moment awareness as ego squishing tools.
Take a minute. Heck, take 30 seconds. Oh hell, take ONE SECOND. Seriously, take just one second and be aware. Be aware of your breath. Be aware of your inhale and the moment between that and your exhale. In just that one second you start to quiet your ego. In just one second, you start to become more of your True Self. Breathe.
Breath is the bridge which connects life to consciousness, which unites your body to your thoughts. Whenever your mind becomes scattered, use your breath as the means to take hold of your mind again.
~ Thich Nhat Hanh
5 Everyday Moments 2 Practice Awareness
Practice Present Moment Awareness.
Be in the Now.
Practice Mindfulness.
I don’t know about you, but when I hear most of these phrases I picture a monk sitting in nature with no distractions entering a state of perfect bliss. Um, yeah, right.
That sounds lovely but it’s certainly not possible for most of us. In fact, most of us are barely just getting through the day nevermind finding time to sit in silence.
All is not lost though. Escaping into just a minute or two of awareness is still a good thing and easier to do than you might think.
Here are five everyday moments where you can practice awareness. You can certainly choose your own five but sometimes it helps to have someone point out the obvious and I am the master of pointing out the obvious.
Fine For Now
One of the nicest things about being in the Now or the present moment is that for that very moment, that one breath, that millisecond – you’re fine.
In that one moment you just are.
You are you.
And you’re fine for now.
The more you practice this, the more addicting it becomes. It’s like a mini-vacation for your mind.
So just stop.
Breathe.
Feel your breath filling up your lungs.
Feel it leaving you.
See, you’re just fine for now.
Awareness/Mindfulness/The Now…Call It What You Will, Just Do It.
So far I’ve talked about becoming aware of your little voice and practicing awareness and the importance of practicing present moment awareness or staying in the Now. Because I want you to have and know how to use all the tools in your toolbox, I should also talk about mindfulness. Honestly, I don’t really care what you call it nor should you. If you’re getting hung up on terminology you need to let go a little.
Mindfulness is just another term you can use to think about being in the moment or present or aware or being in the Now.
One definition of mindfulness is:
A mental state achieved by focusing one’s awareness on the present moment, while calmly acknowledging and accepting one’s feelings, thoughts, and bodily sensations, used as a therapeutic technique.
Super Ego Squishing Tool #2: Practice Present Moment Awareness
Ok, it’s time for another Super Ego Squishing Tool but let’s recap what we’ve discussed so far.
So far we’ve learned two Secrets:
1. You are not the little voice in your head.
And the 1st Ego Squishing Tool: Practice Awareness and how you can practice awareness during moments of high emotion and when you’re in doubt.
Hopefully at this point you’re starting to realize that by becoming aware of your ego/the little voice in your head, you can start to dampen it’s control over your life so your soul and spirit and True Self can start to shine and soar.
That said, let’s add another Ego Squishing Tool to your arsenal beyond just plain old awareness. You’re a smart cookie so I’m sure you’re ready to move on a bit right?
Here’s Super Eqo Squishing Tool #2: Practice Present Moment Awareness
The Secret Handbook 4 Teens 