The Secret Handbook 4 Teens

Three Ways 2 Recover After You’ve Been Hurt by Someone

Freedom is what you do with what’s been done to you. -Sartre

People can hurt. Well, what I really mean is that throughout your life people are going to hurt you, either intentionally or accidentally or unknowingly, and as a result, you’re going to hurt. So, people can hurt. They will hurt you. You will hurt in response.

If you can step back and let go of the pain for a moment and put your ego aside, you actually have a pretty unique learning and life transforming opportunity in front of you when you’re hurt. Here are three quick things to remember/do when you’ve been hurt that can turn the hurt into something bigger:

1. Keep your emotions in check. 

It’s going to be really really easy to just react with anger, sadness or whatever other emotion you’re feeling. The more you give in to raw emotions, the easier it will be to drown in them. When you’re hurt, pause for a moment. Take a deep breath. Allow yourself to feel the pain (I’m not suggesting you be a robot about the whole thing) but don’t wallow in it. React and then release.

2. Remind yourself that it’s not about you. 

Don’t. Take. Anything. Personally. Four very powerful little words that can transform your life if you really live by them. It’s very possible and likely that the person who hurt you is actually juts acting out on some of their own pain or issues. If you find out that your friend has been badmouthing you behind your back, that person is likely insecure and could be jealous. There is probably something about your life that they covet. You might not be able to see it but maybe they don’t have a good family life and you do. Maybe they can’t afford to buy the new shirt they want but you can. Maybe they struggle in school and you don’t. Maybe they struggle to fit in and you find it easy. Maybe, just maybe, they feel like they’re losing you so they are acting out in anger. You’ll probably never know what the issue really is but I guarantee you that you aren’t the issue, they are. This is not an easy thing to practice, especially when you’re reeling from the sucker punch, but it’s an amazing way to move through the hurt a little more quickly.

3. Learn.

After you’ve been hurt by someone you have a choice. You can try to just brush it off and move on or you can try to learn something about yourself and the world.  What are you going to do with the hurt? How are you going to react? Are you going to become mean like them? Selfish? Uncaring? Vengeful? Catty? Petty? Are you going to seek revenge? Lower yourself to their level? Or are you going to rise above? Learn something about yourself? Use it to make you a better person? Use it to figure out how you don’t want to act and who you don’t want to be? In addition to learning about yourself, you can also use it to figure out who your true friends are and the different types of people out there in the world. Trust me, the person who hurts you in high school is the same person (figuratively) who is going to hurt you later in life too. Figuring out how to avoid or lessen your exposure to toxic people like this while you’re in high school can save you a world of hurt when you’re older.

So there you have it. The next time you’re hurt try to remember that you are being presented with an opportunity to grow and learn something about yourself, about people and about the world. What you do with it now is up to you.

But now you tell me – have you been hurt recently? How did you react? What did you learn from it? Share with me and help other teens to live happy!

Why it’s good to always be a student.

Wanted to share this Facebook post by author Elizabeth Gilbert because it’s so true. We are always learning about ourselves and our place in the world and that’s actually a good thing! So embrace being a student – of high school – of life!


Dear Ones –

My friend Pastor Rob Bell once gave me this beautiful piece of advice, which I will now pass along to you.

He said that whenever he starts to beat himself up for not being good enough at life, he simply writes this word on his hand — STUDENT — and reminds himself to look at that word several times a day, and to meditate upon it.

He said that this one word — STUDENT — is his best defense against self-abuse, shame, perfectionism, failure, and regret.

Whenever he fails himself, or falls short of his ideals, or doesn’t know how to handle a complicated situation, he just looks at that word — STUDENT — and then gently allows for self-forgiveness.

Because we are all just students, after all.

We are all new at this.

We’ve never been here before — in these bodies, in this lifetime, in this world. We don’t always know how to handle things in the best way. We don’t want to suffer, but we don’t always know how to avoid it. We long for closeness and peace in our relationships, but we haven’t necessarily learned yet how to find it. We want meaning, but lose sight of it. We want revelation and transcendence, but don’t always know how to reach for it.

But we are learning.

We are always in the process of learning — and it’s not fair to expect that people who are in the process of learning should automatically always get things right.

Nobody always gets things right during the learning process.

That’s OK.

We are merely students, after all, and students — by definition — are not masters. We will be students for as long as we live. We wake up every day and take a deep breath and back go to school in the world all over again. That’s what dedicated students do.

Every. Single. Day.

This morning, I felt like I REALLY needed the reminder.

So I got out a sharpie, and wrote the word across on my palm of my right hand — my stronger hand — which I can then lay across my heart throughout the day, with hopes that the message will sink in:

“It’s OK. You’re doing your best. You’re still learning.”

– Elizabeth Gilbert

What Can U Learn from the People U Don’t Like?


I don’t like that man. I must get to know him better. – Abraham Lincoln

Sometimes we spend quite a bit of time thinking about people we don’t like but maybe there’s something to learn from them. Maybe there’s even something to learn about ourselves.

Don’t get me wrong, there are some really nasty and downright evil people out there and I’m not suggesting you try to make them your friends. I am suggesting that even those people have things to teach us.

Think about someone you don’t like.

Now ask yourself why you don’t like them?

Is it because they are mean or rude to you or your friends?

There’s a lesson about how to not treat people.

Do you not like them because they are really negative all the time?

There’s a lesson in how negativity brings you and everyone else around you down.

Do you not like them because they’re popular? (Be honest.)

There’s a lesson in your ego. Why does it bother you if they’re popular? Is it just your little voice making you jealous inside? Are there actually some traits about them that make them popular that you wish you had yourself? Is that really a reason not to like them?

Sometimes the things we dislike in others are things we wish we had OR there are things we don’t like about ourselves that we see in them. Sometimes you may actually like the person if you took time to get to know them and you are just judging them based on what other people say or on how you perceive them to be. Sometimes they may actually be nice people but we’re not looking at them deeply enough.

So take a minute and ask yourself why you don’t like someone and the think about it a bit. Don’t just rush to judgment. Really think about it.

You might be surprised at what you learn about yourself.